🔗 Share this article

This year signifies a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a extensive breakdown to the terms this generation is using to navigate love, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks indicating a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {